Personal Statement

Sample personal statements from John Hopkins university

Inspiration for your most creative selfThe essays can be the most important components of your application.
It’s a chance to add depth to something that is important to you and tell the admissions committee more about your background or goals. Test scores only tell part of your story, and we want to know more than just how well you work. We want to see how you actually think.
Below you’ll find selected examples of essays that “worked,” as nominated by our admissions committee. In each of these essays, students were able to share stories from their everyday lives to reveal something about their character, values, and life that aligned with the culture and values at Hopkins.
Click here for sample essays as recommended by John Hopkins University. 

The UC system, private and out of state schools will request a personal statement. This piece highlights who you are. Make sure you speak to the reader, let your words flow. Don't be fake, just be yourself. See individual pages for tips on UC personal insight and common app personal statements.

1. Start early. The more time you have, the less stress you’ll have. And you’ll have plenty of time to give the essay your best effort.
2. Be yourself. Take a moment to think about what interests you, what you love to talk about, then write about it.
3. Be honest. You're running late (see #1), you can’t think of what to write—and someone e-mails you a heart- warming story. With just a tweak here and there, it could be a great essay, you think. It’s what you would have written if you’d just had enough time. Don’t be fooled! College admission officers have read hundreds of thousands—of essays. They are masters at discovering any form of plagiarism. Adapting an e-mail story, buying an essay from some Internet site, getting someone else to write your essay—admission people have seen it all. Don’t risk your college career by taking the easy way out.
4. Take a risk. On the other hand, some risks can pay off. Don't settle for the essay that everyone else is writing. Imagine an admission officer up late, reading the 50th essay of the day—yours. Do you want that person to nod off because he or she has already read 10 essays on that topic?
5. Keep in focus. This is your chance to tell admission officers exactly why they should admit you. Unfortunately, some students try to list every single reason—their stellar academic record, their athletic prowess, their community service—all in a page or two. When that happens, the essay looks like a grocery list.
   Instead, read the essay question carefully and jot down a few ideas. Then choose the one that looks like the most fun to write about. Stick to that main theme throughout the essay. You don’t have to list all your achievements—that’s what the rest of the application is for. Use the essay to help the admission officers get to know you as a person.
6. Write and rewrite. Don’t try to write a masterpiece on your first try. It’s not possible—and all that pressure is likely to give you writer’s block. For your first draft, write anything that comes to mind about your topic. Don’t worry too much about grammar or spelling. Just get it down on paper (or computer screen). Then let it “rest” for a few hours or a few days. When you come back to the draft, look for ways to make it more focused and better written. Some people are “fat” writers: they write long, wordy first drafts that need to be shortened later. Others are “skinny” writers: they write short and simple first drafts and then need to add details or examples to “flesh out” the skeleton. Either way, don’t be afraid to make major changes at this stage. Are there details that don’t really relate to the topic? Cut them. Do you need another example? Put it in. Here are other suggestions:
   1. Remove the introductory and concluding paragraphs, and then see if your essay seems stronger. These paragraphs are often the most likely to have unnecessary detail.
   2. Go through the essay and cut out every “very” and every “many.” Words like these are vague, and your writing is often stronger without them.
7. Get a second opinion. Even best-selling novelists ask other people to read their manuscripts before they’re sent to the publisher. When you’ve rewritten the essay to your satisfaction, find someone who can give you advice on how to make it even better. Choose a person you respect and who knows something about writing— a favorite English teacher, a parent, a friend who writes for the school paper. Ask them to tell you what they like best about your essay—and what you can do to improve it. Criticism of your writing can be tough to hear, but try to listen with an open mind. You don’t have to make every change suggested—after all, it’s your essay and no one else’s—but you should seriously consider each suggestion.
8. Proofread. Finally, you’re ready to send your essay. Not so fast! Read it over one more time, looking for those little errors that can creep in as you write or edit. If you’re using a computer, also run a spell check.
   Sometimes, it can be difficult to catch minor typos—you’ve read the essay so many times that you see what should be there rather than what is there. To make sure you catch everything, try reading your essay out loud or having someone else read it out loud to you. Another strategy is to read the essay backward, from the last sen- tence to the first. That makes it just unfamiliar enough for errors to stand out.
9. Don’t expect too much from an essay. The application essay is important, but it’s not the only thing that is considered. “Can [the essay] make a difference in getting the ‘thin versus thick’ envelope? That’s because admission officers look at the whole package—your academics, extracurricular activities, standardized tests, and other factors. A great essay rarely makes up for a weak academic record. On the other hand, a mediocre essay won’t necessarily consign your application to the “deny” list. So make your essay as well-written as you can, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself that the rest of the application fades in importance. 

Written by Jennifer Gross.
Copyright © 2004 National Association for College Admission Counseling